In many ways, digital life has evolved to make communication more comfortable, enabling greater laziness on our part. With the introduction of social media, I never have to answer the question "how are you?" again. I am able to choose what aspects of my life I want to share with my list of friends, which isn't as exclusive as I'd like it to be. I mean, how many of your friends are really your friends? There's a great deal of stigma attached to rejecting friend requests from people you know, even if you don't know them well.
My main goal today is to share with you that texting is negatively impacting the way that we communicate. If I remember correctly, I know what kind of relationship you want to be in, and texting won't get you there. This is not to say I am against the practice. I text many times in a day. Let's also look at how texting makes life better.
Social media allows me to decide what details from my life I want to share- be it a life event, like having a baby, or showing a picture of a great meal I made. It also allows me to passively absorb the details of the lives of my listed friends. My newsfeed is a long scroll that I can peruse at my leisure and learn about the happenings for my friends. I can purposefully look up friends and do a closer inspection of their lives... After all, if they didn't want me to see it, it wouldn't be posted. And then there's lurking- not attempting to make contact with anyone, but looking and learning as much as you can, just to know people's business. Most social media also allows you to search for people you don't know personally- and depending on the controls of their privacy setting, you can get used to seeing them as though they are,part of your life. For this reason we love celebrity profiles.
Texting can be done by using apps on our cell phones, tablets and computers. It's an extension of chat programs whereby you can send a message to anyone who has a phone. It allows you to type text (words), icons, pictures, video and or sound bites... But most often we use it for words. You can attach a read receipt to your message- that means once the person opens it, you will be notified. This is important because while texts are coming in, the conversation can lag depending on if the other person is on their phone or chooses to respond.
Choice- so much of our digital life has to do with choices. You can text someone, and they get to choose when to text you back. There are some people who constantly have their phones on them, ready to respond to incoming messages. Others check their phone periodically throughout the day. And then there are those who we are so unable to reach we don't know why they bother having phones at all.
Texting allows you to construct your response and carefully choose your words. In conversation, you speak and have access to tools like intonation and phrasing, eye contact and body language. Texting allows you to push pause and think through what the other person may say if you say this, or that, or that. It's still communication but it is faulty- in real life, you don't have a chance to do all of this posturing between responses.
Texting also allows you to not respond at all. Someone may be desperate to communicate with you but if you don't respond, there is nothing s/he can do, but look increasingly crazy as they text you a flurry of messages expressing his/her frustration. It allows us to stand up people on a whole new level- movies tonight? Wait, wait, wait... Two days later, he texts me back about how he thought he had responded but oops. Sorry. Sorry over texting is really not sorry. True repentance needs to be done in person. In keeping with timing, it is hard to know what is going on in the life of the person who is texting you while they are texting you. Just like phone conversations, you depend on the speaker to tell you where s/he is and with whom. What am I getting at? A man may text you frequently, but because it's a silent activity, he could be in a relationship with someone else and while she plays Angry Birds, he is starting something up with you. Text messages are great for sweet, affectionate messages...but the words lack meaning if the actions and actual face to face verbal exchange do not match the texts. How often does this person make him/herself available to you for face-to-face communication?
I once was talking to a guy platonically, and when we met in person I asked him if he got my text. He opened up his phone and scrolled to look for it, not realizing I could see the screen. Finally he opened a text from someone named ffgghh and I saw my message. "What's my name?" I asked with genuine curiosity. He was embarrassed and said that because his girlfriend was crazy, he had to hide texts from other women. While that might have been true, I was filled with distrust for this man- very well he could be setting himself up to have an undetectable relationship with me. And if this was his response, who is to say there wasn't more shady stuff in that phone under contacts with jumbled nicknames? If you are dating someone, make sure that you see him in person, in public, most of the time. If he texts you day and night and only wants to see you at your place, or one night a month clear across town, I hate to say it, but that is suspicious behaviour.
Problem solving over text messages does not teach you how to work out your issues. It provides a stage for you to plead your case and redirect you case after the other person has had the chance to defend him or herself. You begin to formulate your response before the other person has had their say. And then, when you meet in person and have problems, you don't even realize that you aren't listening, you are just waiting for that person to stop talking so you can strike again. Disagreeing with someone isn't about winning- I am increasingly disturbed by the method people today are resorting to in order to have the last word. We know how to imply that the other is a bigot or prejudiced enough so that they back down and we "win".
This is not real communication. This kind of arguing doesn't achieve or accomplish anything. This kind of relating fosters an environment for strife and divorce. This really isn't what you want but you're learning it sister, every day there is more osmosis and we absorb the world's way of handling things.
Text messaging allows us to pretend that our words are not creating an emotional reaction in the other person. It is easier for us to be brutal and selfish when we don't have to see the effect of our words. In all relationships, there are unspoken truths that stay that way because to speak them would cause irreparable damage to the other person and the relationship. But we are being groomed on a daily basis on how to use that sabre and fence the other into submission. It's ruining relationships all over... Don't let this be you.
As a society, we continue to move towards instantaneous communication- and this is not realistic to living and being in relationship with another person. We wish we could text God and that He'd text us back, but He knows the value of the dark night of the soul.
Texting helps us immensely. First and foremost, it's a way to ensure that our friends and loved ones are safe, in the event of accidents or tragedies. It helps us avoid confusion- if we both pick up milk, we will be wasteful. It's a non-intrusive way to send someone a greeting- they may not want to talk a lot because of what they are going through, but you can still communicate your support. It's also cheaper than a phone call for international communication. This can keep us close to the ones we love.
Gos's desire for us is to live in a face-to-face relationship with Him and others. By all means, use social media, but understand the limitations. You need to have disputes and disagreements with people in person so that you learn how to handle your relationships. My biggest concern are the little ones who don't know what it means to make someone cry. What kind of partners will they be when the time comes?
Overall, language is losing its power... We are desensitized that all we react to now are politically correct charged statements that attack the character of others. The more you use text and email to communicate, the further you are moving yourself from the social skills that are an intricate part of your intelligent design. Do me a favour and talk to someone today!