This week I was praying for a friend who is deeply struggling with alcoholism. I know all about the situation, but he is currently hiding from everyone who loves him, and I was just remembering him in prayer. Regardless of what has triggered this recent episode, the source of his pain is quite apparent to me. I know he could not handle being confronted with this from me, as others have already tried to rationalize with him about what has to be done. But this time, as I prayed, God showed me his pain was like asphalt jammed into a pothole and pressed with heat to keep it in place.
If he could only see that he is holding the pain in place of the hole, if he could only see how easily he can be restored to wholeness, but he can’t. I saw the pain hover over his chest. In times like this, when he is distressed, he is holding it in place, but it is dislodging and can be moved. There is an opportunity to shine God’s light into that hole, and literally bring revival.
I was filled with a longing to reach out to him and encourage him to let it go, but as soon as I thought of it, I began to remember what it took for me to learn how to let go. Sis, the log in your eye is real. It may seem obvious to us why people suffer, but we must always keep in mind that before we knew better, we did the best we could and often, it was in vain. It’s hard to see our friends and loved ones suffer unnecessarily. Here are three things about the truth that might help you or someone you know process pain.
1. When we rail against truth, we suffer. <- I am paraphrasing, but this is something that I heard Iyanla Vanzant say once and it made a lot of sense to me. If I understand the truth but do not accept it, everything I do concerning this thing is only going bring me pain. It also will eclipse and warp my understanding of the truth, because my brain will still be trying to make sense out of something that is non-sensical. Want an example? How come, when X cheated on me, all of my rage was directed at the girl he cheated with? Because love stopped me from being able to process that indeed he was responsible for inflicting this pain on me, and ending our relationship. Because my deceitful heart could not stand to accuse someone it was tender towards, although facts were pretty clearly pointing to a truth I could not accept: if he really loved me and was committed to me, he would not be with someone else.
2. Being afraid of the truth puts us in a place of anxiety and deception. We are more likely to believe what we want over what is real because it's easier to lean towards false truth. A person in pain is immersed environment where anxiety and paranoid thoughts can run rampant. You need people who love you to surround you and gently speak the truth to you.
Isolation promotes deception. The voice of God will never tell you to do things that against the principles laid out in the Bible. And yet, we have to be careful to not surround ourselves with the messages, voices and scripture that are pointing us to go against the truth. Attention! This is a tricky, sticky point.
So many times I’ve heard people say, “I have faith that my husband will come back and my marriage will be restored.” Sis, it is good to have faith. Particularly when life throws you curves and you don’t know what will happen next. You can trust God to work it out: but you also have to let God be God. That means you can’t control Him. You can pray out everything in detail that you want Him to do and how you want it, but He is God and our tiny, human brains cannot even fathom His thoughts or His ways. Having faith means no matter the outcome, you trust that God will work it out for your good, but also, you need to make sure that you have faith in GOD and not the marriage. The marriage has already shown itself to be damaged and in need of repair. Denying this truth and chanting “I have faith that God will work it out” will only cause you more pain in the end, because your heart will be disappointed. I won’t say that we need to embrace the truth, but at some point, it can help to stand in front of the bathroom mirror, look yourself in the eye and speak aloud what the truth is that you are afraid of, that causes you so much pain. Speaking the truth can literally jumpstart the process to set you free from the pain it is causing you.
3. The truth is not a ceiling, but rather a starting point that you can build on. Whenever we look at baseline data, be it personal or business, the mindset that we have to apply is that the data is what it is; we are not going to hide it or hide from it, we are going to see it for what it is, and let it be a starting point to work on improvement or change. If you treat the truth as a ceiling that is capping you, bumping your head against, holding you back from achieving success or pursuing happiness, you will not only have a bad headache, you will harbour frustration and resentment. Pray and ask God to show you the baseline to the truth, whatever it is. In the light of His direction, you need to rewrite the way you have been thinking of it. “My husband left me to raise these kids on their own” may be the way you see the truth, but to turn it a baseline it needs to read, “I am a single parent to these kids”.
That might be too far a stretch, to see that truth with a growth mindset. Maybe it would be easier to think of the truth as not the last sentence, but instead the first phrase. From painful places, we can move into the kind of transitional change that can lead us to greater authenticity and connection to our friends and family.
Can you please take a moment to pray for my friend? He doesn’t know you, and you don’t know him, but he needs it. I am always thinking of you, much like the apostle Paul was thinking of Timothy, and wanting only to see you grow in the grace and knowledge of God. Thanks Sis!