You may have noticed I haven’t been updating my blog as often as I used to. My apologies for this- I really didn’t think that it would get this far, but sigh, here we are. I’m going through some things, as most of us do from time to time. When I began this blog over a year ago, I felt God clearly say to me to keep it going and everything will be fine. At first I was puzzled by that idea. What difference would one blog in a sea of a million make? But true to His word, whenever I make it a priority to write these little tidbits of things I have learned along the way, He takes care of all of the other things.
I am backlogged with Questions, as well as ideas for posts that I want to write. Sometimes I don’t write because I’m uncomfortable with my topic, and I wonder how it will make you feel when you read it. I know I’m tackling some controversial things at times, but I know that God is giving me a chance to just share my two cents and maybe it will speak to you when you find yourself in a similar situation. This writing has required bravery. It has motivated me to start my Masters in Theology. I want to know more and more about the Bible, so that I can keep growing in my Christian walk. These are some of the things that have kept me away from you.
And then there are the circumstances. Sister girl, I am at a loss for words. Life certainly has its stressors, and the big ones we can’t even prepare for. Fortunately in my case, no one has died, but I am dealing with huge financial losses that will hurt for the next few years. I’m doing everything I can just to keep holding on, and in keeping with that, I offer you three things this hard time has taught me.
1) It’s isn’t easier when there’s two of you- it’s different. In my life as a single girl, I often longed to have a partner who would be there for me in hard times. To an extent this is true, but more than anything, I realize that my judgment was better before I had my husband. It’s one thing for me to have to go through on my own. It’s another pain to see my husband suffer. I look at him and feel my heart tear into little pieces. I see him insulted and I want revenge. I withhold how bad it is because I don’t want to add to his pain. He is a strong man. He has behaved better than me in this situation. But I know his inner heart, what causes pain to him, and I want to lash out at the source. Sometimes, there is no source. You just have to go through.
2) Something about hard times always brings out who your real friends are. I feel like this change of perspective is causing me to see people more clearly. Someone I considered my friend made a particularly cruel comment, and I really weighed whether I was being too sensitive or not. I decided to start listening to what she had to say, and I realized that this person is not encouraging or nice. I was careful to check to make sure that it wasn’t an issue of us just not seeing eye to eye. I began to see how as soon as things would improve, she would want me to talk and dwell on what had happened. And then, when I refused, she would say something that was downright insulting although spoken in a sweet tone. I was so surprised, and disappointed. I’m thinking a lot about Job these days. I have always felt that Job’s friends were really good people who loved him, and couldn’t stand seeing him suffer. With their limited human minds, they were trying to find a reason for why he was encountering all of these problems. They were not helpful. In fact at times, they were incredibly discouraging. Our friends may want to help us, but don’t know how, because there are some roads that you have to walk alone. Having said that, I am (still!) surprised to see how many people who have loved and benefitted from our good times have quietly withdrawn from us in our bad time.
3) Hard times will pass. Praise God for His constant nature! It can’t stay this way- especially when I am His daughter, and while He still has plans for my life and promises to fulfill. Today on my way to work, I noticed that the sun was shining and I realized that the sun was already making things better, even though nothing else has changed. Every day, regardless of what is going on, the sun rises. And when it shines, how can we not enjoy its light? I have learned that training myself daily to meditate on the Word of God (that is, to think of what is written in the Bible, to memorize it and say it to myself, to take opportunity every day to quiet down my mind and remember God) has been a saving grace. When you get thrown by life, your mind and heart are unsettled, but I believe that being in daily communication with God helps to bring back focus to what is really important- not the things that currently on your mind! In my pain, I have caught my spirit singing, and listening to the words, I realize that I am still worshipping Him through my pain. I believe that if you regularly train your body and soul to worship God, when trying times come, your body and soul will remember that pattern and will bring it back even when you’re not actively trying to make it happen. I believe that Heaven has been opened above me since Jesus died, descended into Hell and retrieved the keys of death. But worship clears the clouds away and allows me to receive from that open Heaven. This is currently saving my sanity and my life.
I want to thank you for your patience with me as I get through the hard stuff. I promise to keep writing and hope to have my post schedule back to what it was (once a week). Thank you for your love and prayers at this time.
Your Sister