Quite by accident, I found myself watching the movie War Room. When it came out in 2015, I had many people tell me how it was a must-see. I heard:
“It’s so inspiring and truthful!”
“I’m going to go make a war room now.”
“It reminded me of you.”
So once I finally saw what they were talking about, I was disappointed and a little frustrated. Sis, please tell me you don’t think of me as that old lady.
What a stereotypical and trite storyline, lacking in authenticity and strategy. She didn’t TEACH the main character to pray. An opportunity to really sow seeds for the love of prayer was lost, thanks to Hollywood. I think back to the people who told me they loved it and I wondered about their spiritual welfare. I guess its because if I had to write a story about how prayer changes lives I have many real life instances to call on. I remember asking my husband if he knew where my war room was, and he described the place that he often finds me keeled over in the early morning hours, sometimes groaning (sometimes sleeping!) when he gets up to get ready.
The Christians who put out this movie are so disconnected from reality. They had an opportunity to create something that was really moving, and they settled for less. An article is circulating about why millenials are not attending church, and if offers solutions for what needs to change in order to make ourselves attractive. To me, that article represents the other end of an extreme. While one is making movies about old black ladies praying and sputtering catch phrases in an accent, the other is politely telling me how to take all of the history of the development of the church since Acts Chapter 2, and shove it.
While I am the first to say I am not a pastor, I do feel qualified to speak to this. Part of the reason I started this blog was to provide answers about why I do what I do in living for Christ, and model how to do it while giving the person who asked space to think about what I’m saying, review it, and then decide if it’s worth trying out. I can tell you that many of the sisters who read this blog and communicate with me are millennials. I also have a healthy 30 plus crew would recognize my word play and cultural tropes, so they identify with the topics and issues that I deal with. I am currently in seminary and just finished my church history courses. Given my goal and my background knowledge, I want to address some of the things mentioned in the article.
(I’m not going to link to it either. I did visit the author’s blog, and it’s good, but I’m not looking to start up a relationship or refute his arguments. More than anything, I want to give some perspective from an older person who has a goal that includes helping young Christians, millennial or not, learn to walk the walk and talk the talk in our day and age, living within the culture that we are entrenched in. You, my dear sister, are who I have in mind while writing this post today.)
1. You want to be heard.
The argument being that you are underrepresented in the church, and need outlets for your voice to be heard. You want young pastors, who understand how to speak to your generation and who want to connect.
There is only good news to report here. Are you aware that your generation is “heard” more than any other has ever been? Not just that, we have been listening to you since you were kids. We were the ones who gave you the language and encouraged you to tell us how you feel, and what you think would help. I am old enough to remember this and because of that, when I hear this come up, I am tempted to tune you out.
The question is what is the goal of making your voice heard? Is it to bombard me with your thoughts and feelings long and hard enough that perhaps I will stop having my own thoughts and feelings and just subscribe to what you’re telling me? You can have your voice, but I can have mine too. I can listen to you, appreciate you, love you for being who God made you, and still disagree with you. Telling me that you want your voice heard does not mean that we stop and do what you want. I will still listen to you! Of course I want to. But I’m going to be honest here- your generation doesn’t ever think of what the response to their voice will be other than complete acceptance and submission.
Let me go one further. Look at the behavior of your peers when they don’t get what they think they want. Again, we taught them while they were growing that it’s not okay to hit. What this looks like today is instead of hitting, people scream words as though they were weapons. They are using violence and intimidation with words, not weapons. I don’t know why anyone thinks that it’s acceptable to behave like this. I watch young ladies discipline their children and stop those behaviors, but you only need to go as far as your local protest to see ridiculous tactics in use because those young people don’t feel like their voices are being heard. Now- breathe. I am not attacking you. I am giving you valid examples. Consider that and see why maybe people older than me might not want to put you on the church board.
Being on the board, by the way, is more than just having a voice. It requires that you demonstate commitment to the church and community you serve. It requires a sober approach to living for Christ. Indeed, we are all human and things happen, but those who steer the direction of the church need to be able to get back up and keep going. If you want your voice to be heard, you also have to show that you are a safe person who has the members of the church in mind.
Additionally I can say that I am seeing more middle age couples opening up churches everywhere. There is something to be said for having life experience. It is hard to steer and mentor people when you don’t have the knowledge base to support it. However, seminaries are full of young people who are passionate for Christ and just can’t wait to have a church full of peers and young ones to love on.
Can I offer a suggestion?
Drill down to why you think your voice is not heard, and what that makes you afraid of.
It will be different for each of us, depending on what our church situation is. Is it that you are afraid of being taken advantage of? Is there one person in the leadership that you feel that you can talk to, and instead of using this voice nonsense, just say, “I want to be active at church, but I am afraid that (fill in the blank)?” If you can find the reason why you feel unheard, it will give you more information about why you are reacting the way you are. Instead of finger pointing, try to do some introspective work about you (your work habits, your social interactions, what makes you tick). As someone who is slightly older, who raised you to use your words and make sure that you let people know how you feel, I want you to know that choosing the right words, and having the wisdom to know when not to speak is far more powerful than making everyone listen to you process how you want things to go. The more you can do that processing internally, the better your relationships will be. Think of it as writing your rough drafts inside and presenting only polished work. Of course there will be people and times when you let it all hang out, but just because it’s 2017, doesn’t mean we lose all sense of professionalism. There is reward in being able to be put together, and by that I mean your communication skills, not your clothes. Because ultimately Sis, I want you to live a happy, victorious life, and be part of a fellowship of believers who can enrich your walk with God.